I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
