I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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