Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I deserve this hangover.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
