I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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