Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
