somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
