im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
