We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
