He asked to "fluff my boner.."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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