I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize