I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
