Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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