I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
