I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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