why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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