You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
