Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
