You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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