I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
