Ambien. No doubt about it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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