I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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