My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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