If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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