I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
