if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
