just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
