Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
