I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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