I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
