so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
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If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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