LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
