You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
