I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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