I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
