you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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