I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
