your room smells of hookers.
And success
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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