His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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