i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
