Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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