you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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