i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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