So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
