She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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