she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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