I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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