Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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