.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
