You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Someone came in the potted fern
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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