i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
