I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
