Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
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I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
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Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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