My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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