My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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