: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
