i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
