am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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