Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup