so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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