I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.