What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis