another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.