I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.