Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?